2026-01-18|001|On cope
Consider the fat man.
One day, you may wake up to find that that is who you are. This is not an enviable position.
Will you tell yourself it’s not that bad, or even a good thing? Or perhaps it’s not your fault, but rather the world has turned against you, and must now make up for how it has wronged you? Perhaps BMI is flawed, actually, and the concept of fatness is an oppressive construct?
Is this the right approach? It gives you comfort, a justification, perhaps even a community (fat comrades, rise up), a sense of purpose.
On the other hand, you’re still fat. You have sleep apnea. You had a liver ultrasound and the doctor didn’t like what she saw. The body-positivity anthems just don’t hit like they used to. The person on the other side of the mirror always seems to have a grimace.
You’re coping, badly - and it’s hampering your ability to solve your problem.
Many things are like this
You see it all the time.
Your political party loses an election, and your first instinct is to go on a rant against all of these assholes that voted for the other party. How dare they let your party lose? They deserve what they’ll get.
You apply to 100 job ads, but get zero responses. You post on LinkedIn, mad, that after a long successful career, as an expert in your domain, companies are ignoring you. It’s the ATS, it’s ageism, it’s recruiters, it’s the economy.
This is all quite natural. Your initial feeling - the shame, the guilt, the sense of failure - is aversive. On the other hand, anger feels better. It motivates you. It makes you act. So you do - but you redirect towards something, someone else. It hurts less.
You vent outward. This brings you short-term relief, but your problem remains unsolved. Soon the bad thoughts creep in again, worse this time because you’ve wasted your energy on the wrong target and made no progress on the real issue. And now the snake eats its own tail.
The way out
There is an uncomfortable reality that you must face. If not now, you’ll be back. It’s going to be with you even if you look away. If you lose sight of it, you lose sight of what must change. There is comfort in distorting your view of reality, but you pay with your ability to act effectively.
Those feelings that make you feel small are necessary. A bad reality must feel bad. The anger isn’t a problem either - just direct it towards a productive target. Channel the anger inward if you need to. Use it to break through your own inhibitions if necessary.
But most of all, do not look away.